Baby

We are pregnant!  13 weeks, to be exact.  I can't tell you all of the feelings going on in my head these days.  One minute I am super excited, the next I am terrified.  Feelings of "What have we done?" come and go.  For years now I have known there was at least one more baby to come to our family.  I tried so hard to ignore those feelings but couldn't any longer.  So here I am.  Knowing 100% we made the right decision, but still finding it very difficult to accept.  That may sound harsh, like I don't want the baby, which couldn't be further from the truth.  I am just so nervous!  Nervous to start over again, nervous about the 7 year difference between the baby and Ella, nervous about how busy we are and how the baby is going to react to basically living in the car, nervous about whether or not the baby is healthy.  Nervous, nervous, nervous.

Then there are times when I realize how selfish I am being to have such thoughts.  I need to be extremely grateful that I have the ability to carry a child and experience the miracle of it all.  So many women suffer from infertility, but I don't.  I have a loving husband who supports me in everything I do.  I have four wonderful children who are just ecstatic about the baby.  June 13th cannot come soon enough for them.  Remembering just how good life is washes away all the nervous feelings and I realize how truly honored I am to be able to bring another human being into the world, into our family.  What a blessing and a joy this baby will be to our family!  All the sickness and fatigue and everything else that comes with pregnancy will be so worth it once I get to look my little miracle in the eye.  Life is good!